Monday, December 20, 2010

Santa Claus, An Engineering Retrospective

The question all parents have to hear, at one time or another, "Is Santa real?" Or for the more scholarly children out there, "Is it even a possibility that his task could be achievable?"  You've got to give them an answer, or to them, you'll look even stupider than normal, so here's a couple of references you can use to build your argument for, "yes, dear, he does - in fact, here's scientific proof of his existence."  
SmartTechnology - Technology For Change - Santa's Sleigh Propelled by Smart Technology

In my mind, though, it may just be easier to strip away the fantasy & tell'em he just doesn't exist. 


Is it theoretically possible?...
Or does he?  There are two more arguments on this subject that have been proposed by engineers, who apparently, wish to remain anonymous:


1 - Santa Claus: an Engineering Analysis - 
    
2 - Santa Claus: An Engineering Analysis - REBUTTAL - 

...or is it just another sad lie we tell our kids?
For the real non-believer, check out the website NORAD [North American Aerospace Defense Command] has dedicated to Santa-tracking, in case there's a chance he goes rogue... http://www.noradsanta.org/


And there is even a Santa Claus blog - http://clauschronicles.blogspot.com/ - and this article gives you his house-count.
  
The choice is up to you, do you want your kids living in a fantasy world of flying game, hyper-speed sleighs and all-knowing philanthropic old men?  Given the reality of the world today, maybe that is the way to go.

Friday, December 17, 2010

New law prohibits silent killing of blind pedestrians by Hybrid vehicle owners

Apparently blind pedestrian hunting season has been opened up by Hybrid vehicle owners, and the blind aren't too happy about it!  Hybrid owners have been getting away with murder lately, and going about that business with nothing more than a slight purr.  Now they, like most other purring prowlers, must announce their intent with more of a roar, or in this case vrroom.  And the blind pedestrians of the world finally feel that the playing field has been leveled.

http://washingtonexaminer.com/politics/2010/12/house-approves-bill-make-hybrids-louder

Anonymous Product Review: Cool new tool not for fools - or sissy-men.

The reviewer, who wishes to be known only as "ManlyManDan" [and says that the Dan part is only in there because it rhymes], says that his wife [which he doesn't really care if she remains anonymous because she deserves to be vilified in this situation, but identifying her would certainly draw out the author's true self, so therefore she gets away with it, this time], gave him looks like he was a sissy-man for using a loofah in the shower.  This prompted the purchase of the Dove Men's Care Shower Tool, and ManlyManDan says it does a "satisfactory job" cleaning his body and his "undercarriage and junk."  Here is the rest of ManlyManDan's review:


I recently switched from using a lady-likely-labeled loofah, to the new Dove Men's Care Shower Tool.  Immediately during my first use, I noticed that this product would revolutionize the way men sexfoliated© their skin.  Not only is it shaped like an athletic supporter that can be used on your face, but they also call it a tool, which makes it even more super-manly.  Upon my initial product run, I felt invigorated and alive in the shower, maybe even for the first time.  It really felt as though I was shaving skin off of my body, and made me feel like a snake molting, which we all know to be the epitome of cleanliness, and/or Godliness [depending on your religious views].  While the old sally of a loofah had better sudsing capabilities, this product had two settings for tearing dirty flesh off of a man:  either use the mesh side for lathering the soap all over your musculature while only removing the dirtiest of derma, or the scrub side, which has scrubbing powers that will literally clean you to the bone.

* A note on using the Tool on your "bone," however, avoid direct contact to the groinal area with the Shower Tool, as some users, who wish to remain even more anonymous, have reported scarring and painful abrasions to their units.  There is one other area I need not mention that requires a bit of skill and practice to master cleaning with the Shower Tool, so only advanced users should attempt this.  

With all of these great advantages, the Tool does come with a down-side: Dove recommends changing out for a new Tool every 4-6 weeks, which, ironically, is just about the time it takes to grow a manly bond with your Tool.  So, other than that, and not using the Tool on your tool, I say this product gets 4 1/2 big ups, G.



Cool new tool not for fools - or sissy-men.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Perhaps known better for his explosive temper in the kitchen than for his plethora of successful shows, restaurants, and numerous cookbooks, this man has more tv time than the entire cast of every Law and Order. He is Gordon Ramsay and he won't tolerate your stupidity.

Good rants, good raves
If you ever find yourself on one of his shows, you'd better damn well know how to cook a perfect risotto, here is a recipe found on Food.com.  Learn it, or "get out of my kitchen you stupid cow!!"

Gordon Ramsay's Tomato and Mushroom Risotto

Prep Time: 10 mins | Total Time: 55 mins

Directions:  


  1. In a large saucepan sauté the shallots with the olive oil for about 3 to 4 minutes and then add the mushrooms and continue to sauté for another 5 minutes, stirring frequently until softened.
  2. Stir in the rice and cook for another minute or two. Add the wine, stir and cook until absorbed. Pour in a quarter of the chicken broth, bring to a boil and cook until absorbed, stirring frequently.
  3. Gradually stir in the rest of the broth over a period of about 15 minutes, adding more as each previous amount is absorbed. This helps to give you a creamy risotto.
  4. When the rice is al dente, mix in the tomatoes and herbs. Check the seasoning and stir in the cheeses. Serve in warmed bowls topped with shaved aged Parmesan.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

How have I gone this long without bringing in the roundhouse master? If there is anyone out there who's cult status has made him mightier than a diety, it is Chuck Norris. Legen - wait for it ...dary.

Good fists, good facts
Plus this brings in the first time someone's been nice to you here.  You're welcome.  Here's your prize:
  • Darwin Award Winner 2010: The guy who said that "Chuck Norris is too old and past his best". He was found dead with roundhouse kick related injuries.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.
  • Jesus follows Chuck Norris on Twitter
  • Nostradamus predicted that Chuck Norris would get allergic to dust by 2012. That explains everything.
  • Chuck Norris is always on time...yet somehow arrives fashionably late. 
  • Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
See the full list @:  Chuck Norris Facts Plus, here you can even buy a custom Chuck Norris t-shirt.  I got mine, it lets the world know: The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

I'm not gonna hold a gun to your head, but I will argue that he is one of, if not the best actor of our time. He played the punk, the vampire, the godfather of a wizard, the drug dealer, and among other things, he played fucking Ludwig Van, although in one role he looooves Mozart, but gets bored with Beethoven. But he always morphs, and is the immortal camelion. Brilliant.

Good Ludwig, good punk